God's Love

I am completely floored by how much God loves us.

I constantly think of God’s love in the perspective of my feeble and ignorant mind. My human brain that can’t fathom perfection. My weak flesh that can be tempted into so much. My stained and muddied soul that doesn’t always shy away from sinful behavior.

But when I really stop to think about his love, I’m struck dumb.

God loves us so much that He still created us even though He knew we would break His heart over and over again. He knew of Adam and Eve’s betrayal before He spoke them into being, but He still created them. He knew all the pain we would cause Him.

How can someone know every heartbreak that is yet to come and still go ahead with creation? But He isn’t just a someone, He is God. His love is infinite. His knowledge and power are infinite. His wrath can be infinite.

I can’t even fathom a love that deep and pure. Nothing in this world could ever compare. I don’t even know how to love like that.

God is love.

God knew He would have to sacrifice His pure and holy son to save the retched humankind, but He loved us so much that He did. He sacrificed His son! How many of us could do the same? How many of us would willingly wade into heartache? How many of us would shower mercy and forgiveness on those that have betrayed and hurt us? How many of us would give out so many second chances? How many of us would keep wooing those that slap us in the face with our sin?

No, we definitely don’t love like God loves. Even when we are so filthy with sin, He still declares that we are wonderfully made. He sees beauty and potential in us. We are His children and He loves like no other force imaginable.

Even in the face of such love, we will still run from it. We want to do our own thing, go our own way. We think we know best and we shatter to pieces when our desires lead to our downfall. We are so broken and in need of His vast love.

I will cling desperately to His love even though it is way more than I deserve.

One Harmless Episode

One harmless episode, you say to yourself. Just one. It can’t hurt anything.

You click play and forget your life for that brief forty-five minutes. You forget about the demanding deadlines that nag at the back of your mind. You let go of your worries about keeping up with responsibilities. You relax for what feels like the first time in forever.

Then the episode ends. You have to know what’s next, but dare you also just want to escape for another too small swatch of time? Dare you quiet the drowning stress with the numbing effect of another world? Dare you push away all the unpleasant feelings for one more hit of this safe drug?

Your finger hovers over clicking that beautiful button that leads to excitement. Conflict rages in your stomach, making you feel ill. Sweat breaks out and anxiety is tickling at the edges of your mind.

You know you should stop. You know you don’t have time for this. You know this will lead to your failure. You know people are counting on you. You know you’ll never get out if you go again.

But you press it anyways.

You push all your raging thoughts aside and tunnel into this other world with characters that are leading amazing lives. You travel on grand adventures and become the hero. You solve crimes and save lives. You fall in love and make mistakes that end in heartbreak. You have abilities that aren’t physically possible and you make the most of them. You do all this without having ever done anything.

Then it’s over again and everything comes crashing down on you. Deadlines are minutes away. Time is running out. Life is living without you.

So you go back to the haven that you think is your refuge, but it’s just a hole you’ve dug yourself into. You know what you’re doing, but you can’t stop. It feels safer in there.

You burry yourself alive, but you keep up with the delusion that you’re only doing it for the show. You make yourself believe that the story is what matters. You have to know how it ends.

The cycle continues until you have to emerge from this place that you’ve become accustomed to. Things you can’t get out of force you to come up for oxygen, but it’s a hard climb to the top when this hole you’ve been living in has just gotten deeper with each passing minute.

When you finally get back to life and fall into the routine, you finally remember what actual breathing feels like. You taste freedom from the debilitating load of procrastination and you come alive.

But the temptation to fall in love with another story is just too much and you start an episode with the deranged mantra that you’ll be able to stop after just one this time. You fall right back into that hole, but with arms spread wide, fully embracing it. You tumble with eye wide open and almost enjoy the plunge.