When One Harmless Episode Turns Deadly

If you didn’t read my post yesterday, then please stop now and read it.

No, seriously. Read it before this one.

Now that you have background to what I’m talking about, continue reading…

Putting all silliness aside, I really debated, for about a week now, if I was actually going to post what I did yesterday. I’ve come to realize that my writing is the most honest expression of me and sometimes it reveals more of me than I want it to. Yesterday’s post was one of those instances.

I finally decided to post it because I’ve come to realize that I am really struggling with an addiction to TV. It all started out with a desire to decompress from my busy schedule, but in a way that didn’t require any thought. I would get the stories I love (by that, I mean that I love stories and taking the adventure through each one), but I wouldn’t have to use any mental energy. Then the addiction crept in.

I don’t mean this to sound sinister or like TV is ruining my life, but it’s gotten to the point where I would spend hours watching TV and even skipping small homework assignments or just putting them off to the point where they don’t have the time to be more than junk.

Watching TV fueled my procrastination even more, which just let to even greater amounts of stress. That stress would lead to crippling guilt that I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to. That guilt would lead to more TV as an escape, which would only make matters even worse.

This addiction isn’t the all-consuming kind, but if I don’t get away from TV or moderate how much time I am spending watching it, then I feel myself prioritizing it. When a behavior starts becoming a priority when it shouldn’t and when it is affecting your ability to keep up with responsibilities, then it’s borderline addiction that should be stopped.

So, I finally decided to write these two posts because I think there is a big problem today with binge watching TV. Everywhere in college, there are jokes going around about how, “Netflix killed my GPA.” Or, how students are watching TV verses doing homework or going to class. We all joke about it because everybody is binge watching something.

I can’t be the only one going through something like this, not when the college culture is so saturated with these jokes or comments.

I wish our culture didn’t push so hard for entertainment, especially movies and TV, to be as much of a priority as it does. This just reminds me of one thing that the speaker at Winter Camp said, “You can’t combat 20 hours of TV with a 30 minute sermon.”

With watching so much TV, I just fill my mind with more and more that isn’t good for me. I’m so saturated in the worldly culture that is presented for me in all those very entertaining shows, but I never stop to think what it is doing to me.

Taking it a step further, what’s it say when I’m addicted to it?

The worst thing about being addicted to a substance that is non-lethal and safe is that it’s socially acceptable to do it. Some people might think I’m crazy for talking about an addiction to TV, especially when most of the US has some quantity of this addiction.

I’m really not saying TV is this terrible thing. I love it and that’s why I sometimes can’t stop myself from falling into the binge-watch cycle. I definitely don’t want to quit watching TV completely and I honestly probably still will watch it to a degree, but I’m starting to monitor how much I am consuming.

All in all, I just think we need to be conscious of those seemingly harmless things in our lives that turn into big seething monsters when we aren’t looking. We need to not let anything consume us or take control of our minds (except God).

With this post, all I ask is that you take a look at your life and try to see if you have anything that is consuming you when it shouldn’t be. Make changes. Take baby steps. Work through it, even if you don’t originally recognize it as a problem.

Words I Needed to Hear

Life can be overwhelming at times.

I’m at the point where I have to make some big decisions and I have no earthly idea how to make them. Recently, I’m having to make a decision about one of my classes: If I should drop it or not.

Suffice it to say, there is a very real potential that I could fail this class based solely on attendance (miss three classes and you fail). Both of the times I missed class, it was because of abnormal traffic chaos.

I mention this for the reason that my indecision is pressing down on me. Typically, I’m a super decisive person, so times like this make me crazy with stress.

There are pros and cons to both sides of the issue I’m currently facing, but I honestly don’t know the right choice.

Thursday night, I began to pray about it. I asked God to show me something - anything, so I brought up my Bible app and started looking at the ‘verse of the day.’

This is the verse that popped up for Wednesday, February the 4th:

Philippians 4: 6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That definitely wasn’t what I was expecting God to show me, but the verse stole my attention and latched onto my heart. So often I’ve stressed about big decisions or even just small things and I always forget to just give it all to God. I forget to reach out to Him: He who holds my life and future in his caring hands.

I’ve let my wish to control everything dominate and I’ve slowly pushed Him out of my decisions. Normally, I would send up a quick prayer for direction and then plunge head-first into something without stopping to let God have a say.

When I read those words, they were a balm to my soul. My current dilemma is in his hands, where it rightly should be.

For The Church

At Winter Camp (the four day camp sponsored by the campus ministry, FOCUS) they read an anonymous letter to the church. You can find it here:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/08/what-the-church-christians-need-to-know-about-suicide-mental-health/

Please read this letter. It’s exceptionally well put and says everything in an amazing way.

I mention this letter because it brought me back to a time where I intimately knew that enemy named, Depression. Sure, I had something medically wrong with me that caused me to plunge to this low, but it didn’t lessen its effects.

I’ve had my brush with suicidal thoughts, nothing serious, but during that time in my life, I had no desire to live. Like this person said in their letter, it isn’t about death being appealing, but life was agonizing.

When I went through this terrible time, I tried confiding in a fellow friend. I don’t want to name names or even give a gender because I don’t want to call them out, but I think my story needs to be written.

This friend was in the church with me and I felt like they brushed off my troubles once I’d revealed them. I felt so betrayed. This person, who called themself a follower of Christ just seemed to act like my life falling apart wasn’t the hugest deal.

Maybe they just didn’t know how to comfort me. Maybe I failed in revealing the severity of my plight. I won’t say that they are a terrible person by how they handled the situation, but they didn’t handle it right.

Naturally, I am a person who struggles with revealing too much of myself to people. I once had such a close friend and circumstances dictated the slow death of that friendship. The pain of that loss forever changed me to be this person that hesitates before bearing my heart.

I’ve grown so much in this area, but when I tried letting someone into the pain in my world, they just made me want to shut down and I did. That person made me isolate myself in the time that I needed the most support.

I was crushed that this follower of Christ could do what they did.

So, I write all this because the church needs to be careful of their actions. They need to do what this letter says and do more than just hand out meaningless platitudes. They need to accept others' burdens if that person deems them worthy of such an important position and they need to not brush it off or give unwanted advice.

If you haven’t been through the war that depression brings, then shut your mouth and just listen to those of us who need you to be there for us in these hard times. You will only alienate those in need if you act on your pride or ignorance and try to tell us anything. Just give us a shoulder for our hardship.

I may sound harsh, but I can’t stress any of this enough. During my time of deep depression, I couldn’t stand to be involved in the Body because of this one person. My faith suffered and I felt so close to giving it all up.

Don’t be the person that hurts those already at the brink of ending their suffering. Be the person who reached their hand out to save those from the edge of the plunge.